.

You know that's not right. Either way you define it.


So I guess since this is about me do you know what it's like to be blindly accused over and over for absolutely nothing to the point you have no clue if anything you do or say may be misinterpeted for some kind of slight to comming on to someone while doing nothing but being nice?

I'm really sorry you couldn't handle nice. I really tried.

But I'm a nice guy not a sadist.

So you see my quandry. Why say anything then if everything leads to hurt? Speaking of those things I didn't say ... how can you be so sure they wouldn't have hurt? Chances are they would have with that kind of attitude.

You wanted space so I gave you space and in next to no time you bad mouthed me. I can say nothing and get your ire.

That's not hurt that's facepalm.

And it's not the first time you bad mouthed me. Being vindictive and bring up past issues that were never true in the first place. Sick and discusting issues might I add. I have looked beyond those things. They are not my concern. They are your concern. Your concern will continue to ruin everything you touch unless you tame it.

Do you know how much I wish I could just snap my fingers and go watch the magic man? Poof and everything is beautiful? But what I see is that there are times you aren't speaking to me Goldenfleeced - you are speaking to a ghost. You can call it selfish but I'd like to be an asshole on my own accord. I'd like to perform my own errors. You've never given me the chance. 

Whatever happened in the past Goldenfleeced, you need to treat other people by their own measure. The measure you put me to ain't working. I won't accept it and neither would anyone else that has a bit of self respect. I am truly truly sorry if that was the case, but talking from both sides of your mouth doesn't help. I'm not sure what you ever expected.

Whatever it is you are looking for I really hope you find it.   

Like I said before I'm a nice guy not a sadist.  

LOL I walked into an already negative situation. You know that! I'm human I don't walk on water, when negativity gets thrown my way out of bounds I tend to not be nice after so much unnecessary grief. You should also know that. I never had a chance what with all the already present drama. Everybody but M spoke out both sides of their mouth. Every one of you. LOL Yes I become not nice when I am pushed. When given more than a plethora of mixed messages. I think I told you by the time I left I was afraid to say almost anything to anybody for any reason because everything was taken out of context. Yes I was semi rude/short a couple time to certain people because I figured if I was even a bit friendly that would be seen as some sort of come on. Please to fuck and give me a damn break LOL. You can only give the benefit of the doubt so many times before it becomes a broken record.

But I will tell you what a nice guy does - he doesn't leave where he is at with a bunch of loose ends. Just trapsing off wherever ignoring debts and such. Don't think if I didn't have the means I wouldn't have already. But I'm thinking it's a very good thing I don't have the means because it would just be round two and I would probably run screaming a second time.

You know you are very perceptive GF, very perceptive. Except in this. Whatever you might think of me is one of two things - either put a pedestal (which I have never liked) or demonized as some sort of sicko sex mad criminal.

Jeez why don't you be normal and call me out for being a lazy good for nothing bad back not helping can't hold a job rock star wanna be dreamer?

That would be much more to the point. And a more than a fair sight truer.

I won't say anything further either but you seem to like this bringing personal crap up on the internet so I'm obliging you. Believe me I am just giving you want you wanted. Internet drama. I never gave you the first George Carlin speech btw LOL I never made fun of any of your body parts laughing at cartoons and I certainly never well I will stop - no one wants to hear about hot pockets and homosexual innuendo. Please! LOL

/rant off/ I AM truly sorry. Believe me I am. I accept my guilt in all of this. I KNOW what my guilt is in all of this and you haven't come close. Unfortunately like I said before you make me feel like either I am an unobtainable idol or a ghost of the past. Either way that's not me. Peace my love. I wish you peace.

Love you always. Always.